Enraptured Read online

  “Don’t I know it,” I quipped.

  Troy, apparently over the small talk with me, turned to Drew. “Which is why you need to go to New York and talk to Carrington yourself.”

  Drew sat back against the sofa as the maid brought him a tumbler of whiskey. “It is on my to-do list,” Drew admitted. He glanced at me. “How do you feel about a weekend getaway to New York City, darling?”

  My eyes met his. “You’re the boss,” a comment that made our guests chuckle.

  Dinner was served almost immediately after that, with Drew and Troy dominating the conversation with current events and political strategy. After a few bites of food, Sloane was bored with it. She insisted we go outside to enjoy the fire that raged in a stone fireplace next to their pool. She was on her third dirty martini, and from her tiny figure I began to suspect she lived more on those little olives than she did actual food.

  But it always served to loosen her tongue, which I used to my advantage. “Why does Drew need to go to New York? Who is Carrington?”

  Sloane laughed. “You have to be kidding,” she said with a slight slur. “Jasper Carrington, Carrington Media,” she added, as though I should know who that was. I shrugged to indicate I did not. “He only runs one of the biggest entertainment labels in the world. He used to work primarily with musicians and popular acts, but the scandal surrounding his first divorce a few years ago forced him to expand into all forms of media. He bought out three prominent newspapers and expanded into network news.”

  My brow furrowed. “I don’t understand. Why does any of that interest Drew?”

  She chuckled. “You control the message and you control the money, honey. You really think it’s an accident more people can name more cast members of reality shows than they can their own governing representatives?” She drained her glass. “Originally we just wanted a place to stow Elise away, but she didn’t go for it.” Off my look, she went on. “She keeps her hands deep in Drew’s pockets because she swears she can’t make a living in the way she was trained, as a professional dancer. If Jasper finds a lucrative spot for her in his media conglomerate, she won’t need any more alimony and it’ll put her on the entire other coast away from Jonathan. Win/win.”

  “Except for Jonathan,” I gritted. “He needs his mother.”

  She made a face. “He needs a mother, but not his mother. That is why he has you, dear.”

  I sat up straighter, ready to argue my case. But Sloane was prepared.

  “There is not a maternal bone in that woman’s body, Rachel. She’s one of the most selfish and entitled women I’ve ever met, and I’m in politics. When you and Drew were on the island, she was there in New York with us, flirting with every eligible – and not-so-eligible – sugar daddy she could get her claws into.” She made another face. “She was even gunning hard for Troy, again, and she was a guest in our house.”

  I shook my head. “Maybe she was just reeling from her breakup,” I suggested.

  “Ah, yes. Derek. Derek was a distraction, dear. A convenient piece of ass that happened to piss off Drew for a while. But there was no competition there, and I rather think she needs there to be. Why do you think she kept her talons in Alex for so long? And she used her son to do it. That is the kind of ‘mother’ she is.”

  I was still reeling from the revelations as Drew and I headed back to the hotel. I was quiet and he waited until we were locked behind the privacy of our bedroom before he asked what was wrong.

  “Sloane let me in on your little plan,” I said as I slipped out of my dress.

  He was amused. “And what plan is that?”

  “To get rid of Elise,” I commented as I reached for one of my brand new nightgowns.

  “Peruvian hit men?” he joked with a sardonic grin. “How dare she?”

  “Drew,” I admonished.

  He just shrugged. “Elise always claimed that I ruined her life when I got her pregnant as a teenager, forcing her to quit dancing in order to be a full-time parent. I figured if she had another shot at her dream, it’d work best for everyone.”

  “What about Jonathan? You really want to split him between two families on two opposite coasts?”

  He scoffed. “What family? She’s a single lady now, Rachel. So she’ll definitely have other priorities, like finding her next rich husband.”

  “And you thought Jasper Carrington would fill the bill?”

  Again he shrugged. “I don’t care who it is. As long as it is someone other than me.” He peeled his shirt from his torso. “Besides, Carrington is already married. Not that it would make much of a difference to Elise. She flirted with Alex right under my nose even when his wife was dying of cancer. How he could canonize her into some model mother is beyond me, unless it was to further stick the knife in my side.”

  “Your mother told him to be there for her and support her,” I informed him. Drew’s spine straightened as he glared down at me where I now sat on the bed. “Elise was always unhappy, Drew. And when she was pregnant, she felt abandoned. Your mother was the one who encouraged Alex to be her support system when you couldn’t. Or wouldn’t.”

  “Please,” he scoffed. “She’s not some victim, Rachel. She never was.” He unzipped his pants and stripped down to his undershorts before he slid into bed with me. “You’re right. She was unhappy when we were married, but it didn’t start there. She was in a self-destructive tailspin when I met her. She thought the stage would give her the love she was missing at home, but her talent was limited. After enough critiques and failed auditions, she had to face the fact she couldn’t be the prima ballerina she had always hoped to be. That left her only one option to live the grand life she thought she deserved. She had to find a wealthy husband instead.”

  I sat back and listened as he continued. “I was her first target because that’s how Elise operates. It is always from the top down, and the top of her collective heap happened to include a firstborn Fullerton. She was willing to do anything to secure my affections. She sold me all the same bull she sold Alex. I needed to protect her, I could save her; I could heal her with my love. That’s a powerful thing to tell a man. It makes him feel like a god. So when Father mentioned that I should marry and settle down, she cozied up to him until she had her ‘in.’ She was pregnant within six months, certain that would cement her place in our lives forever.”

  He lay back against the pillows. “I don’t think she understood exactly what being a Fullerton wife and mother entailed. Father had his expectations and I had mine. And here was this incomplete girl, overwhelmed and overcome that she wasn’t in control of her life anymore. Everything she knew had changed. Any relationships with her bohemian friends were terminated because it didn’t fit into Father’s immaculate image of the Fullerton family. She had always starved herself to keep her dancer’s body, but as soon as we knew she was pregnant we insisted that she eat full meals instead of just bites here and there, and her body began to change and her self-loathing was off the charts, and there was no one there to buffer the blow. And I did try, Rachel. No matter what they tell you, I did try.”

  “She had to be happy for you to feel like a god,” I supplied and he nodded.

  “Nothing worked. I would reach for her and she would turn away. She used her body as an excuse, her pregnancy, but really all she ever needed was for me to want her. It was the only way the power tipped back over into her favor.”

  “Powerful incentive for someone who felt ultimately powerless,” I pointed out. Again he nodded.

  “Father insisted that she needed to grow up, and my coddling her would only make the situation worse. Her parents had failed raising her, so it was up to us to finish. He insisted I needed to employ tough love, to make her rise to our expectations.”

  He sighed as he wiped his eyes with his fingers. “But of course Mother was much too tender-hearted to rely on such a tactic. And by default, so was Alex. They wanted to heal her wounds whereas Father and I were trying to toughen her hide. And you can see how well all tha
t worked out,” he added with bitter irony. “We were all snowed, and we all paid the price.”

  I touched his arm and his eyes met mine. “I was young and stupid,” he surmised simply. “I made my share of mistakes, driven by my own sense of entitlement and resentment.”

  I brushed his hair from his face. “You had to keep going, to find someone else to treat you like a god.”

  He nodded, unabashed. “But I swear to you, I never slept with anyone before she told me about Alex, even if they believed otherwise.”

  “Another game,” I decided with a sigh. “Make her think you’re interested in someone else, and she’ll fight even harder to make you happy.” My heart softened as I stared into his face. “That little incomplete boy in you just needed someone to make him happy.”

  He touched my face with his hand. His words were soft. “I fucked up, but I’m not sorry. Without her, I wouldn’t have Jonathan. Without Jonathan, I wouldn’t have you. That is my happiness now, Rachel.”

  I leaned toward him and placed a kiss on his lips. This time I was the one to deepen it, and he growled in his throat as he pulled me across his chest. I removed my nightgown, tossing it off to the corner of the bed, and straddled him where he lay. He watched me with hooded eyes as I knelt down for yet another kiss as I rubbed myself against him.

  Drew didn’t know how to love because he had never truly been unconditionally loved. That wasn’t a commodity traded in the Fullerton household.

  Until now.

  I kissed him until he was reaching for me, and then slid him deep inside my body. I sank down and held him there, my eyes locked with his as I surrounded him with my warm body. Softly, and truthfully, I whispered, “I love you, Drew.”

  It wasn’t about hearing it back. It wasn’t about betraying my love for Alex. It was about loving Drew as fully and completely as I could, without all the stupid games that came along with it, games that had gone on entirely too long in Drew’s life.

  And he was right. I had been playing games. I had been using the same tough love that Malcolm and Drew himself had used on Elise, and it had wrecked absolutely everything, including an innocent little boy.

  I decided then and there I wouldn’t let that happen to our child. Someone had to be the hero and land on the grenade. Someone had to be vulnerable and risk it all.

  And I supposed it would have to be me.

  This was my family now, and I was going to do my damnedest to heal it, one wounded Fullerton at a time.

  Drew responded to my soft admission with a hungry growl, digging his strong fingers into the soft flesh of my hips. He watched me intently as I made love to him, until he was racing to orgasm even before I was. I leaned down to whisper against his ear, “It’s okay to lose control. Let it go, Drew.”

  He bucked against me as it overtook him and he let out a primal cry. He finally collapsed back against the bed, breathless. I leaned down to hold him close and he stroked my hair with a trembling hand. After long minutes had passed, he finally asked, “Did you mean what you said, Rachel?”

  I glanced into his face with a tender smile. “Rule #8: I always mean what I say.”

  He reached for another kiss as he pushed me off his lap and against the pillows, then proceeded to show me the pleasure he had withheld all weekend.

  Chapter Ten

  Looking back, I would probably say that Vegas was where my honeymoon, and my marriage with Drew, officially began. Beforehand I had merely been resigned to my fate. I offered myself up as a living sacrifice for my children with a marriage of convenience while my heart pined for another. It wasn’t fair to my husband, nor my children, to halfway commit to my future. They deserved better, and so did I.

  And the simple truth was that I had chosen Drew. Even if Alex hadn’t taken off like he did, cutting off all ties and communication, he had been right when he said Drew would always be right there in between. If I had chosen Alex, Drew would have used every weapon in his manipulative arsenal to sway my decision until I was right where I was, at his side with his ring on my finger.

  He would have likely used Jonathan, and it probably would have worked.

  Maybe Alex was right to walk away when he did. He tore it off like a bandage because he knew more than anyone that Drew played for keeps. And our child deserved a fighting chance to be a person, rather than a bargaining chip.

  So I made my decision accordingly. And rather than mope and pity myself that I was stuck with it, it was time to pull up my big-girl panties and accept my choice and all it entailed. The very reason I carried his child was because I loved him deep down. I had been branded by his touch and claimed within his heart. It was why I could never fully let him go.

  And now I didn’t have to. We were married, legally bound by a sacred commitment for life. He wouldn’t ice me out because of a pregnancy like Zach did, and he wouldn’t travel halfway across the planet to get away from me like Alex did.

  He had proven, time and again, he was committed to this family we were building. What more could one ask from a husband?

  It was time to finally forgive the past and move on.

  Drew rewarded my new loving nature handsomely. Everything was mine for the asking. Well, almost everything. I had confessed my love for him that night, but he had not followed my verbal cue. He couldn’t really let go yet, which I understood perfectly after he shared his painful past with me. I knew it would take time.

  Just like he had rewired my heart once upon a time, it was my turn to repair his.

  While he plied me with expensive clothes and jewelry, whisking me around Vegas to the finest restaurants and shows, I rewarded him with loving smiles, tender kisses and a constant touch to let him know how much I cared.

  Every night when he took me in his arms, I saw the passion rage in his eyes. What he had wanted, what he had needed, was someone to give themselves to him fully without expectations, to accept him as he truly was, a flawed mortal just like the rest of us.

  That was my commitment as we returned to Beverly Hills that Sunday evening. We were cuddled on the sofa in his study when Elise returned Jonathan to the house. The younger Fullerton lit up like a sparkler the minute he saw us. He ran across the room and plopped in between us, happy to be home at last.

  I didn’t get much out of Jonathan about his weekend. All he would say was that Elise no longer lived in Venice, having traded up to a high-rise apartment in west Los Angeles, so their time was spent more at malls and shopping centers than at the beach.

  I promised we’d make a special trip to Santa Monica that week, which brightened his mood considerably.

  Drew, however, was sullen as we climbed into bed. I snuggled up to him and tried to kiss his sour expression away, but he remained distant. “What’s wrong?” I finally asked.

  “I don’t understand the point of her spending any time with him. Instead of taking him somewhere he might enjoy, she’s parading him around Rodeo Drive like a pedigreed poodle.”

  “You’re expecting too much from her, Drew. She came from shitty parents and she didn’t learn much better from your dysfunctional family dynamic.”

  He took my hand and brought it to his lips for a tender kiss. “You are being much too generous, my darling. You try to see the good in everyone, but for some people it is simply not there.”

  “I thought that about you not so long ago,” I reminded gently. Our eyes met and then he sighed as he pulled me across his chest.

  “Maybe I should send you to live with her for a year, since you have such a magical touch on all of us wayward Fullertons.” He kissed me softly. “But you’re mine now. And I don’t share.”

  I chuckled as I wrapped my arms around him. “Yeah, I got that memo.”

  He chuckled low in his throat as he slid me back against the mattress and settled over me. He kissed me soft and slow as his hand slid down my side until I arched against him. It was easy to be an enthusiastic lover with his masterful touch. And he was always reaching for one more kiss, one more tussle. I was
exhausted as we both drifted off to sleep that night, so much so I overslept the next morning.

  I raced to get ready so that I could meet Jonathan and begin our studies, but that resulted in another hour delay in the bathroom. Drew’s money and power could do a great many things, but we all bowed powerlessly to my morning sickness.

  That evening I went to bed early, hoping if I got enough rest I could finally establish some sort of routine.

  As it turned out, that was the routine. Inevitably I settled into a part-time schedule, even at the offices of FEI. This was good news, given the constant stress I was under in between Drew and Alex. Alex had been on his best behavior, but Drew was determined to prove that I was completely off the market. Not only did he fill our office with enough flowers to justify an IV drip of antihistamine, but he stopped by regularly to steal kisses and whisper innuendo just loud enough for Alex to hear.

  I could tell by the pained look in Alex’s eyes how much this demonstration of ownership hurt him, but he remained committed to the study schedule I had carved out for Jonathan, which included Thursday mornings and Friday afternoons. He insisted on following Jonathan’s curriculum, to learn about each of the companies included under the FEI umbrella, as well as those Drew was interested in acquiring. Carrington Media was among those companies, which Jonathan and Alex found equally interesting for two very different reasons. For Jonathan, it was all about music. For Alex, it was all about the news.

  “You control the message and you control the money,” Sloane had said, and I could tell by the look on Alex’s face that he knew exactly why Drew would find Carrington Media so appealing. Their 24-hour news channel was decidedly slanted in the favor of powerful friends like Troy De Havilland.

  At Friday’s conference with my two students, I saw shades of the old Alex when he mentioned casually, “That would certainly pave the way for a congressional run, having a propaganda channel right I your back pocket.”