Enticed Read online

  I certainly had stepped into a critical nurturer role in our household, quite possibly filling in the gaps left by Drew’s own mother years before.

  I decided I wouldn’t make a big deal of it. Instead I planned to ease both of them into this new phase of their family dynamic by gently redirecting their attention back on each other.

  Toward that end, I declined their offer that weekend to go sailing on Drew’s new yacht. Drew pulled me aside. “If this is about what happened yesterday,” he started, but I shook my head.

  “You were drunk,” I said. “I get it. This is more about learning to connect with your son one-on-one. It’ll be good for him to have one day with each of his parents. Just promise me one thing. Don’t trash Elise to Jonathan. No matter what happened between you and her, she’s still his mother. Don’t make him choose sides.”

  “Tell her that,” he countered bitterly.

  “I would if I could,” I shot back.

  He smiled as he studied my face. “I believe that.”

  That Saturday, Alex arrived to pick up Jonathan for his first unsupervised day visit with his mom. Drew stayed locked in his office so they wouldn’t fight and further upset Jonathan when he was already so visibly distraught.

  Instead I worked as the buffer, as usual. I pulled Alex into the living room for a private chat before I fetched Jonathan.

  “You’re fitting in quite well as mistress of the manor,” Alex quipped. He picked up a sculpture that I had recommended to Drew to purchase during a recent trip to an art gallery.

  Since Jonathan showed a budding talent in art, it had become a monthly outing for the three of us, to learn more about art in general to encourage and nurture his talent.

  Alex clearly could see that this piece fit my sensibilities more so than his brother’s. If he wanted to goad me into claiming credit for it, I refused to play his game. “I had hoped we could speak honestly, as two people deeply invested in Jonathan’s wellbeing.”

  “Your dime,” he shrugged.

  “Whatever happened between Drew and Elise needs to stay between Drew and Elise. Neither parent needs to drag Jonathan any further into it than he already is. I’ve already spoken to Drew, and he’s promised not to speak poorly of Elise to Jonathan in their time alone together. I would like you to ask Elise to do the same.”

  He chuckled. “You’re still buying the bullshit, aren’t you? Elise isn’t trying to get Jonathan back out of spite. She truly believes he’d be safer with her.”

  “Why does it have to be either/or?” I asked.

  “Because that’s how it is,” he shot back. “And one of these days you’ll figure out that you’re just another ‘or’ brought in to confuse him.”

  I sighed, fatigued by this familiar refrain. “I’m trying to help.”

  Alex’s response was predictable. “Then go back to Texas.”

  “That’s not happening,” I informed him.

  He put the sculpture back down on the table. “Of course not.”

  I gulped back any retort. It was pointless. “I’ll go get Jonathan,” I said as I turned to leave.

  “Rachel,” he said quietly, and I turned back to face him. He didn’t look angry, or even smug. He looked as helpless as I felt in tying this family back together. “I’ll talk to Elise.”

  I nodded my head and exited the room.

  After Jonathan left with Alex, I didn’t quite know what to do with myself for the rest of the day. I was more than his teacher, I was essentially his companion. We had spent most waking moments together for four months. Sending him away felt a bit like losing an arm. Nothing pulled me out of the funk his absence left me in, not a book, not a bubble bath, not even a walk around the neighborhood. I didn’t even bother with dinner, since he wasn’t due to be home until later that evening. The thought of cooking without my favorite chef’s assistant bummed me out more than I would have thought it might. I found myself wanting to talk to him, or check on him, so much so I was jumpy and agitated the rest of the afternoon.

  It made me wonder if I was transferring my maternal feelings onto him as well, encouraging him in some way to step in as a surrogate for my deceased child, much like I filled the void of his absent mother. I resolved to be more mindful of it going forward, so I didn’t unknowingly encourage him to pick the “mom” he liked best.

  The last thing I wanted to do was prove Alex Fullerton right.

  Drew was even more out of sorts than I was. He went for a run that morning, then locked himself in his study to “work,” but I had a sneaking suspicion he was once again attempting to drink his troubles away. The music he blasted from his sound system progressively turned darker and angrier as the night went on.

  When I finally broke down and prepared myself a sandwich, I ended up making one for Drew as well. I knew he hadn’t eaten all day, and I worried about his drinking so much on an empty stomach. I knocked on his door a little past seven o’clock. He mumbled something akin to, “Come in,” so I opened the door. He was sprawled on the sofa, his shirt half-open, his shoes off and the belt from his pants looped over a nearby chair. I suspected the cause for his disheveled appearance was the near-empty bottle of bourbon he held in his white-knuckle grip. His eyes were glassy and bloodshot as he glanced up at me when I approached with a plate.

  “Here. You should eat something,” I said as I placed the sandwich on the table in front of him. He made no attempt to move, so I drew closer to the couch, gently pulling the bottle from his grip. “This won’t solve anything, you know.”

  He watched me behind a stone cold, expressionless mask. “Nothing helps,” he muttered. “Eventually I end up right here alone.”

  I sat on the edge of the coffee table in front of him. “You’re not alone. You’re just apart. There’s a difference.”

  “You don’t understand. This is just the beginning. Pretty soon she’ll get weekends. Then weeks. Then months. She won’t be happy until I’m out of his life entirely. She insists I’m a bad man.” He averted his eyes. “Maybe she’s right.”

  I pulled him up into a sitting position and sat next to him on the sofa. “Stop that. No one is intrinsically good or bad. We’re just human. We all make mistakes and hurt people, but that doesn’t mean we’re bad.”

  He studied me from half-closed eyes. “And how exactly have you hurt someone, Rachel?”

  I dropped my eyes from his. For a moment I considered not answering. In fact, I contemplated making a mad dash for the door. It was a question I hadn’t wanted to face for a very long time. Finally I said, “Because of me, a child died.”

  His eyes widened. “What?”

  I took a deep breath. “I married young, arguably too young. We were in our first year of college, when everything was so exciting and so new. The possibilities were endless. Then I got pregnant. Zach never wanted a baby so soon. He said we couldn’t afford it, that we needed more time to spend together just as a husband and wife. But I had always wanted a family, so I thought…,” my voice caught on the lump in my throat. “I thought that if I just gave it some time he’d come around.”

  Drew sat up straighter to listen. I didn’t want to shed those damnable tears in front of him, but it was beyond me. His hand touched my back to comfort me as I continued.

  “He hated everything about the pregnancy. The cost. The way my body changed. The way my focus changed. Instead of devoting every single waking minute to him, I was preparing for the birth of our child. I guess I was obsessed about it, but every time he looked at my stomach it was like he was filled with this resentment and this rage, like I had betrayed him in some way. Pretty soon he wouldn’t even touch me at all. He had to get a full-time job to pay for a bigger apartment, so he used that as an excuse why he was never home. But I knew he was out with his buddies, living the life of a carefree nineteen-year-old. While I took classes from home, he managed a full-time college career and all the things that entailed, including parties and one-night-stands with other nineteen-year-olds.”

  �
�Oh, Rachel,” Drew murmured, but I was beyond consoling. The bandage was only half-off. I still had the other half to go.

  “Once Jason was born, he became my whole world outside of school. I didn’t have a husband to speak of, so I poured all my love into that little boy. He was the light of my soul. Since Zach had taken to sleeping on the sofa, Jason shared the bed with me the first three years of his life, until I finally got my first teaching job. By then, Zach had drilled into me that it wasn’t fair if I didn’t contribute to our household income, since having Jason had been my idea in the first place. Like I did it alone, right?” I laughed humorlessly. “He used that as his excuse to stay away from home, barely interacting with Jason at all. He had no patience for this child because, as he would tell anyone who would listen, he never wanted him in the first place.”

  I could see Drew’s jaw clench from the corner of my eye. The eerie parallels with Elise were undeniable. “Even with my going back to work full-time, Zach was away from home most of the time. He got a night-job so we’d never even see each other. That left his days free, especially once Jason started school.” A sob rose in my throat but I gulped it back best I could. “I had no idea that he was romancing another girl on the side, right in my house, right on the bed he never saw fit to share with me.”

  His voice was soft. He probably had a sense of where my story was going. “How did you find out, Rachel?”

  “I had to come home early because I had come down with the same flu that kept Jason out of school this particular day. I walked in on Zach and his lover entangled on my bed, with Jason nowhere to be found. I raced around like a lunatic to find him. Finally I made my way outside to our backyard. That was when I noticed the gate around the pool was opened. I realized the hot tub was on, so I went to investigate. He was under water,” I managed through the tears. Drew wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. “I jumped in and pulled him free but it was too late. He’d been without oxygen too long. The damage was done.”

  Drew brushed my hair with one hand. “How is that in any way your fault?” he asked softly.

  My red-rimmed eyes met his. “I should have left. Zach wanted to me to leave. He begged me to leave. He did everything short of kicking me out of the house himself, but I stubbornly held onto our rotting corpse of a relationship. If I had left at any point up until that day, Jason would be with me right now. But I wanted my fairy tale. I sacrificed my son at the altar of some mythical happily ever after.”

  “Oh, Rachel,” he said softly as he kissed the top of my head. That one act of kindness broke the dam and set the torrent of years of unexpressed sorrow free, something I had been unable to do at the funeral or those dark, dark days afterwards, I wept in the comforting arms of another as Drew rocked me gently. I clung to him as each sob racked my body. The room darkened as long minutes passed, until I was reduced to nothing more than hiccupping breaths. He disengaged himself to pour me a glass of bourbon, which I did not decline when he offered it to me.

  The liquid burned as it flooded my throat, but it helped numb the pain of my open wound. I didn’t speak until I emptied the glass, which he refilled immediately. “This still doesn’t solve anything,” I pointed out, but drained the second glass anyway.

  He chuckled softly as he put the bottle on the table. “Thank you for trusting me with your story,” he said. “I get the feeling not too many people know about it.”

  I shook my head. “My friends from that period of my life, mostly. And Jonathan.”

  “You told Jonathan?”

  I nodded. “He asked if I had kids,” I answered with a wry smile. “I left out most of the details, though.”

  “It certainly explains a lot,” he said. “I know I could never figure out why you were single.”

  I chortled. “Please.”

  “Why is that funny?”

  “Jonathan already told me how you feel about girls like me.”

  “Impossible,” he murmured as he drew closer. “There are no girls like you,” he said as he brushed a strand of hair from my tear-soaked face.

  Maybe it was the booze, or the intense emotional day, but I was rooted to the spot as his head tilted toward mine. He hadn’t shaved that morning, so stubble circled those sensual, full lips as they descended toward mine, and even the shock of his warm mouth upon my skin couldn’t pull me from my trance. I sat, frozen, as his lips savored mine in tentative, open-mouthed kisses that did more to warm my insides than a couple of shots of booze. Finally his tongue traced my lips to tease them apart.

  I gasped in spite of myself, and he deepened the kiss. I could taste the whiskey on his tongue as it blended with mine. I hadn’t been kissed in so long that my body responded to it as though it was the very first time. My toes practically curled as he brazenly explored the deep recesses of my mouth. He moaned into my mouth as he pressed me back against the sofa, which reminded me of every erotic dream I had ever had of him.

  Only this wasn’t a dream. It was real. Finally my brain fired into action and I pulled away. “Drew, no.”

  “Why?” he asked as he tried to take me back into his arms.

  “It’s not right,” I insisted as I pushed him gently away. “I work for you.”

  His eyes were dark and stormy as he stared down at me. “Is that all?” he wanted to know.

  I stared into his handsome face, overcome with a flood of emotion that his kiss had stirred up within me. I gulped hard as I tried to regain control of my senses. “It’s been an emotional day,” I said, side-stepping his question. “We’ve been drinking… we’re upset. We don’t need to further complicate things by mistaking sex for comfort.”

  He said nothing for a moment or two, and then he chuckled low under his breath. “Like I said,” he murmured softly, “like no other girl.”

  With that, he reached for his sandwich and proceeded to behave like a proper gentleman for the rest of the night.

  I blamed the whiskey for how much of a letdown that ultimately proved to be.

  Chapter Seventeen

  I was relieved to have the house to myself the following day, to work through my scattered emotions in the wake of Drew’s kiss. I had literally dreamed of that moment for months, but nothing could compare to the reality of it. His embrace was powerful and commanding, which was something I had never experienced before. My love affair with Zach had been childlike in comparison, mostly because we were both kids when we met and fell in love. He was my first lover, and while he was perfectly attentive and conscientious, it was more like a puppy with a ball. He chased after me with youthful exuberance that had no pride, often begging for my desire in return. Drew, on the other hand, was in complete control. I doubted sincerely he had to cajole any woman into bed. He simply swept onto the scene and took what he wanted, like an unsolicited kiss from his household staff.

  I was still shaken up about it when Alex dropped Jonathan off the night before. My favorite boy had a stuffed animal in one arm and a bag from a game store in the other, but he discarded everything once he came through the door. He found me in the living room cuddling with Yoda on the couch, and he practically jumped in my lap.

  Alex watched us closely as I ruffled Jonathan’s hair. “Have a good day?”

  Jonathan stole a glance at Alex before he looked back at me. He nodded but said nothing.

  “I think Yoda has to go outside,” I said, which dismissed Jonathan as he led his four-legged friend to the backyard. I stood to face Alex.

  “Enjoy your ‘me’ day?” he asked.

  I felt my face flush and I cursed the knowing glint that shone in his eyes. “It was lovely,” I said.

  “I bet,” he murmured as he studied my face. “Same time next week?”

  I nodded and followed him to the front door. He stopped just before I could shut the door behind him. He looked as though he wanted to say something desperately, but debated doing it right up until he opened his mouth. I’m not sure even he knew what he was going to say until he said it. “Maybe next week you a
nd I can spend the day together while Jonathan visits his mom.”

  My eyes opened wide as I processed his unusual proposal. “Are you asking me on a date?”

  “You’re single, right?” he asked. “You’re available, no prospective suitors. Nothing going on,” he probed. “Why not?”

  “Other than the fact I don’t like you?”

  He laughed. “You don’t like me because you don’t know me. Let’s rectify that.” His eyes narrowed as he surveyed my face. “Then maybe next weekend I can be the one who causes the blush to rise in your cheeks.”

  I glared at him and stepped backward. “Goodbye, Alex,” I dismissed before slamming the door in his face and practically stomping down the hall, towards the backyard.

  Jonathan was quiet the rest of the evening. He didn’t want to go into detail about his day. I had to drag it out of him that they had spent the day at the fair, with Alex and Max tagging along for good measure. I suspected that his mother had been on her best behavior, likely confusing him and making him feel disloyal to Drew or me if he admitted that he had a good time.

  He turned in early, uncharacteristically refusing a bedtime snack of his favorite lemon squares and cold glass of milk.

  The next day he and Drew were gone by the time I emerged from my bedroom, mostly because I had stayed in later than I ordinarily did. I took a long bath; I read a bit of my book, I worked on my laptop… anything at all to avoid seeing Drew after our passionate encounter the night before.

  After they had gone, I couldn’t stay locked in the house for another day. I hopped in my car and headed to Santa Monica. I had wanted to invest in my own bicycle to ride along the beach, so I figured this day was as good as any other to finally pull the trigger and do it. I stopped at a bike shop, which set me up with all the stuff I needed. A half-hour later I was at the beach. I enjoyed spending time by the water, though being at the familiar beach without Drew or Jonathan felt wrong somehow. I kept looking out at the ocean, wondering where they were and what they were doing.