Southern Rocker Showdown Page 20

  “Wouldn’t you?” she asked softly.

  “Maybe,” he conceded. “But it’s not her fault, Jacinda. You have to know that by now.”

  “What can I say? She’s one of the lucky ones.”

  He chortled. “You grew up with everything you ever needed or wanted. She grew up in a trailer. I think she’d disagree about the ‘luck’ thing.”

  She offered a shrug. “A big house or a little one. Both are lonely when there’s no one to love you.”

  “Come on now. Your family loves you.”

  “No, my family puts up with me. But I don’t fit in, Jonah. I never have. I can’t sing. I don’t have any skill or talent. And my kids won’t hold a candle to some little boy we’ve never even met. They’ll just one extra place setting at the dinner table, or one extra gift under the tree.”

  “It doesn’t have to be that way. If you didn’t have your family to impress, what would you do?”

  She grew quiet. “I don’t know.”

  “You need to figure it out, darlin’. Otherwise you’re just putting the keys for your happiness in everyone else’s pocket. Your mother. Tony Paul. Me,” he added and her eyes traveled to his. “Be Jacinda.”

  A tear hovered at the corner of her eye. “I don’t know who that is.”

  He captured her tear on the tip of his finger. “Then isn’t it time you found out?”

  She chortled softly as more tears fell from her face. “Why are you being so nice to me after I was such a bitch to you?”

  He gave her a heart-stopping smile. “What can I say? I’m too lazy to hold a grudge.”

  Leah exploded from the studio door, holding a CD in her hand. “Did you hear me?” she asked.

  He laughed and nodded. “A rising star. You’ll be here next year.”

  Shiloh followed her out of the studio. Jacinda discreetly wiped her eyes. “Shiloh, this is my friend, Jacinda.” Her eyes shot to his when she heard the unfamiliar word. “We used to work together a long time ago.”

  She flashed him a grateful smile before she extended her hand to Shiloh. “You’ve done really well,” she praised immediately.

  He bowed slightly for the beautiful brunette. “Thank you.”

  “Do you sing too?” Leah asked her and she shook her head.

  “Tony Paul got all the talent in my family.”

  “Tony Paul’s your brother?” Shiloh asked and she nodded. “Then I’m pretty sure you can sing. Let’s go into the studio and see what you can do.”

  “Oh, I couldn’t,” she said at once.

  “You should,” Leah encouraged. “He’s really good.”

  Jacinda laughed. “Well, it looks like it’s three on one. I guess I’ll have to give in.”

  “Wise choice,” Shiloh said before guiding her into the studio.

  She followed him into the studio while Leah disappeared with Jonah. “I really don’t want to waste any of your time,” Jacinda told him.

  He brushed it away with the wave of a hand. “I was just killing time till my kids got here anyway.”

  “Your kids are coming?”

  He nodded as he looked at his watch. “In thirty-three minutes and twenty-eight seconds.”

  She laughed. “I bet that’s hard for you, being away from them and all.”

  “Pretty routine, actually. Their mother and I split up years ago.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that.”

  Another shrug. “Whatever is meant to happen usually does. What can you do?”

  She grinned. “Well, I can’t sing. And none of your fancy equipment is going to change that.”

  He eyed her with a playful smirk. “But you can do something,” he decided.

  She wore an impish grin as she headed to the soundboard. “I play with sound mostly,” she said as she operated the equipment with ease.

  “You know how to run a soundboard?”

  She nodded. “We have a studio at our house back in Austin. Add one bored kid with no talent and voila,” she said as she brought music to life in the small space. It was Leah’s song, contrasting her sweet voice over his heavy music.

  “Sorry about that,” he said as he reached across her to turn it off.

  “That’s okay. I dig it. I like lots of music,” she said. “I kind of like to play around with them and find out where they’re similar so I can mix them together. I think I was a DJ in a past life.” She hesitated for the briefest moment before she produced her phone. She never would have shown anyone her mashups, but she wasn’t used to men being interested in her that weren’t itching to get her into bed. She played the first one and he nodded along approvingly.

  “That’s really cool,” he said. “Who needs to sing?”

  She returned his smile. “High praise coming from you. I really like what you’ve done with the music this year.”

  “Thanks,” he said before he pulled out his wallet and retrieved a card with all his information. “Tell you what. You ever want any feedback on your work, just give me a call. I’ll be happy to help.”

  The word work struck her instantly. She’d always considered it playing around, something she’d be discouraged from doing if caught by her musical family. “Thanks, Shiloh.”

  “After I get voted off, I can even introduce you to a few friends of mine who do this kind of thing for a living.”

  Her brow furrowed. “You don’t think you’ll win?”

  “God, I hope not,” he said emphatically. “Can you imagine? The Fierce Death Metal Album.”

  She laughed. “So why are you here?”

  “It’s a paying gig,” he answered honestly. “By the time you’re forty, that’s really the focus, not some idea of instant fame or fortune. My success is that I can do what I love. This way I get exposure. More fans mean more records and tickets sold. No matter where I land in this thing, it’s a total win.”

  “Don’t you want the recording contract?”

  He shrugged. “I prefer to work with independents, really. There’s a lot of freedom to do riskier things and take chances.” He leaned closer. “When you decide to start up your own label, give me a call. We’ll do something fun.”

  “You really think I could do something like that?”

  “Why not? You’ve got money and you know music. You don’t have to sing to produce music. I’m one-thousand-percent sure Graham Baxter can’t carry a note in a bucket.”

  The term took her by surprise, given that was what had always been said about her. She hadn’t ever thought about anything like that before. The more she thought about it now, the less ridiculous it seemed. Jacinda Hollis, president and CEO of Bucket Records. She held out a hand to Jonah. “You have yourself a deal.”

  She stayed with Shiloh until his kids arrived. He introduced her to his seventeen-year-old son, China, and his twelve-year-old son, Rufus. They each had different songs, and he figured they’d draw straws to pick the one he’d perform on the show. Instead, Jacinda toyed around with them until she mashed them together for a brand new song. Shiloh was rehearsing the mashup when Tony Paul came looking for her.

  “We’ve got a lot of work to do,” he said. “Think I can tear you away?”

  She nodded and waved goodbye to her new friends, before following him upstairs to his bedroom. “What were you doing with Shiloh?”

  She shrugged. “Just kind of helping him a little with his song selection.”

  “I see. I get you on the show and you decide to help the competition. Nice.”

  She sighed and rolled her eyes. “You know that wasn’t it.”

  He glanced her over. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. He’ll probably change everything around by show time anyway. He usually does.”

  She said nothing as she perched on the bed next to a stuffed frog. She already knew that it was Cody’s. She picked it up and studied it. “So what song are you going to sing?” she asked.

  “Depends. We need a memory that involves the two of us and music. Kind of like when you were singing backup for the Hollis Fiv
e.”

  She snickered. “Planning to put me in a skimpy outfit and cut my mic again?”

  He glowered at her. “Think. It has to be significant.” They each searched their memory for something they could use, but nothing fit the bill. “Did we sing carols growing up?” he asked and she shook her head. “Put on a play for our folks? Did I sing to you when you were sick?” She shook her head again and again. “Come on. There’s got to be something.”

  “There isn’t,” she answered flatly. She should know. “You should just make something up.”

  “I don’t want to do that,” he snapped. “This isn’t something you can fake, Jacinda.”

  “Guess you brought in the wrong family member,” she shrugged.

  In the end, he sent her home. After long hours of lackluster stories and songs, he was completely frustrated. He had seen other contestants nail their songs on the first try. All they needed was to see someone they loved and they were raring to go.

  And he couldn’t even blame Jacinda. The sad truth was that there was no one in his family that fit the bill. Music was how he got girls or free drinks or a lot of money for a few hours a day. Even with Lacy, he sang to impress or seduce, not connect.

  Connecting had never been part of his agenda.

  He searched his mind all that night for one memory, just one, where he had truly loved another without reservation. There were no warm hugs or happy smiles, laughing with someone until he couldn’t breathe, or holding someone close because he couldn’t bear to let them go. There was nothing. It made him feel lonely and insignificant and terribly, terribly sad.

  That night he held that stuff frog close as he stared at the ceiling until his eyes finally, blissfully, closed.

  By Monday, he finally settled on the Temptations song, “My Girl,” to sing for his sister. He remembered, barely, how he would trot her around, holding her by her tiny hand, sworn, as her big brother, to protect her. He wondered when he had forgotten that oath. When did she go from being his baby sister to being a stranger in the same house?

  He went first, and the performance was received well enough by the judges. But as he watched everyone else, his heart sank. How was that performance going to make an impression when everyone else didn’t have to fake what they felt?

  Jonah introduced his sister, talking about her CF, and how much sunshine she brought into their lives despite all the dire prognoses. In the interview they were playful and affectionate, despite being a decade apart in age. They showed pictures of her in the hospital, or in her bed at home, with Jonah ever present with a big smile and a guitar.

  “When things got bad, he’d come into my room and sing me to sleep,” she told the camera with tears in her eyes. “And I knew that everything was going to be okay. He’s my hero.”

  They sat together on the steps of the stage and he sang directly to her, not anyone else in the studio or at home, not even the judges. When they were done, she threw her arms around him and he spun her around.

  There wasn’t a dry eye in the house.

  Likewise, Shiloh brought his kids out on stage to talk about their relationship despite being a broken family. He mixed two songs together, one for his son, the other for his daughter, and when Tony Paul looked at his sister in the audience, he spotted the thumbs’ up sign she gave Shiloh when he finished.

  She had done that?

  But one of the biggest moments of the night was when they broadcast the interview with Lacy, who spoke so lovingly about her son. They showed pictures, and Tony Paul drank in each and every one of them. Finally the lights went down and a lone spotlight hit the center of the stage. Lacy walked out to the middle leading Cody by the hand. The crowd went wild, hopping to their feet. It startled Cody but he didn’t cry. Instead he waved to everyone with a big smile.

  It made Tony Paul’s heart ache to see him and not be able to be on that stage with him.

  She knelt down beside Cody. “What do you think about all this, Mr. Man?”

  His eyes grew big. “Am I on TV, too, Mama?”

  She nodded with a big smile. “You sure are. Is there anything you want to say to everyone?”

  He nodded and looked out to the audience. “You should vote for my mama!”

  Everyone laughed and then applauded, chanting Cody’s name for the little boy. When Lacy opened her mouth to sing, it was clear it was no cover. It was an emotional ballad about a woman who had just given birth. “I’ve fallen in love for the first time, and you’re the reason why. I’ve waited for you for a long time, my special little guy. We’re in this together, without but not alone. I’ve fallen in love for the first time. You are the place I call home.”

  Tears burned the backs of Tony Paul’s eyes as he watched the video behind her, which showed pictures from Cody’s young life, from the first shot they had ever taken in the hospital, to a photo taken minutes before back stage.

  The love between them was undeniable. Tony Paul was sorry that he had missed it all. He couldn’t wait for the show to wrap so he could finally meet his son at the after-party.

  They still had one big moment left, and it came courtesy of Sylvester. He introduced his boyfriend, Liam, a beautiful man with blonde hair and brown eyes and a big, happy smile. Sylvester held his hand as he spoke.

  “When you grow up hiding that you’re gay, you think you’re the only one that feels this way. You think you’re not going to find love, because who else in the world could ever feel about you the way you would feel about them? You believe the lies because that’s all you hear. You think you’re weird and that you need to change. You think that your pain is your fault, even if you find you can’t change how you feel deep inside your heart, no matter how hard you try. But if you’re lucky,” he said, looking at Liam, “you find that you were never alone. There was someone out there who was waiting for you the same way you were waiting for him.” Tears coursed down Liam’s face as he listened. “I would love to share a Precious Moment with all of y’all, the one I’ve rehearsed all week with my baby. But the truth is, our Precious Moment hasn’t happened yet. But it’s about to.”

  Screams nearly tore the roof off of the joint as Sylvester dropped to one knee in front of Liam, who held his hands over his mouth as he sobbed. The audience went wild when they realized what was happening. “Liam Duffy, I spent my whole life waiting to love you. No one ever fit because no one ever could. It’s you, baby. It’s always been you.” He produced a ring in a black box. It was a plain gold band with one diamond in the middle. “Marry me.”

  Liam couldn’t speak so he just bobbed his head before he threw his arms around his beloved boyfriend. When Sylvester sang Same Love, people in the audience openly wept.

  Tony Paul was floored by their total acceptance of this atypical couple, one that had faced such opposition to do the very thing they had promised to do.

  He had never felt smaller in his whole life.

  That night he searched the after-party at the mansion for Lacy and his son, but they weren’t there. Neither was Jonah or his sister, or their families.

  He sought out his sister and his mother. Jacinda was sitting with Shiloh and his kids, and looked happier than he had ever seen her. He finally found his mother standing at the buffet table. She gave him a big smile. “You did so well, honey,” she said as she kissed him on the cheek.

  He shook his head. “I missed the mark by a mile.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Please. Those were all dramatics. Bells and whistles. It’s all about the producers saving their asses. I wouldn’t worry about it. What demands your attention more is doing what you need to do to get access to Cody.” A dreamy expression crossed her face. “Did you see him? Isn’t he perfect?”

  There was a lump the size of a fist in his throat as he nodded. “He was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I hoped he’d be here.”

  Gay frowned. “They’re not going to let you anywhere near him,” she said. “Not without a court order anyway.”

  He nodded obedien
tly. His head pounded and his heart hurt. He escaped to his room the very second he was able. He stared at Cody’s picture until dawn broke, when he was finally able to go to sleep.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Jonah and Lacy returned home to the family housing that night, with little resistance from the producers of the show. Their performances had been crowd-pleasures. All of social media was talking about it. From what they could tell, the rebranding campaign had gotten off to a terrific start, so they could afford to be generous.

  The families congregated for a while, before the Rileys went one way and the Abernathys prepared for bed. By one in the morning, Jonah crept down the block towards Lacy, which was about ten minutes after Jules had sneaked down the alley to see Don.

  Jonah crawled into bed with Lacy, who felt like heaven in his arms. He had missed this. They were delegated to a clandestine rendezvous wherever they could fit one. Sleeping together in an honest-to-goodness bed in an honest-to-goodness bedroom was a luxury. They abandoned their clothes and made love leisurely until the sun came up. Then he snuck back to his mom’s place and Jules made it back to theirs just in time to cook breakfast for Cody, who was excited to have his mother there for his morning routine.

  No one did it like his Mama.

  She styled his hair into a faux hawk with colorful sudsy shampoo they could never afford a year ago. “Did you have fun last night, Mr. Man?”

  He nodded. “Next time I’ll play my guitar,” he informed her, matter-of-fact.

  She laughed. “I’ll hold you to it.”

  “Mama?”

  “Mmm,” she murmured as she bathed him.

  “Do I have a Daddy?”

  She slowly eased back on her heels. “Why do you ask that, baby?”

  “Just thought about it,” he shrugged.

  She took a deep breath. She knew this question would come around eventually. She just assumed she’d have more time. If he had been older, maybe he would have understood.

  Or maybe not. She sure didn’t. How could anyone just walk away from their child? It seemed unfathomable.

  “Everyone has a mommy and a daddy, honey. That’s how nature works. Remember Nana’s rabbits?” He nodded. “Sometimes, though, we don’t always get to stay with our mommies and our daddies. Those baby rabbits went to new homes when they were still itty bitty babies.”