The Complete Groupie Trilogy Page 42

  “Is he for real?” And as he asked it, he kind of hoped he wasn’t.

  She nodded. “Holly had him investigated when she stumbled across the article. Graham called in a few more favors and made doubly sure.”

  Vanni nodded. “You know, there was a time when I would have given anything for this,” he confessed softly as he held up the paper. “My first recital. When I graduated. When I signed with my first band. June,” he added as he looked at her.

  They were both still in residual shock over what happened in June, on a day that should have been a milestone in his career.

  She squeezed his hand. She had no idea what to say.

  “You ever think you want something really, really bad… then when you get it you think maybe it isn’t what you wanted at all?”

  She nodded. She could have written a book on the subject. “You don’t have to make any decisions now,” she told him.

  His sad eyes met hers. “I couldn’t even if I wanted to.”

  It was more than Andy could take. Inside this man was a little boy someone had casually abandoned. His soul bore the scar; she could see it written in his eyes. She opened her arms and took him into her embrace.

  The warmth of her love knocked over the final wall. His arms tightened her waist and he held on for dear life as he sobbed softly into the nape of her neck. There was no shame, no reason to pretend that he was anything other than what he was: a wounded child. He could do that with Andy. She was his safe place. He knew no one could ever hurt him there in her arms. He pulled her down and held onto her as they swung back and forth in the hammock, listening to the ebb and flow of the tide. He cried until he was spent, then dozed in her loving arms as she rocked them both.

  Just before sunset he awoke, but seeing her there beside him made him think he was still dreaming. He reached out to touch her hair. “You’re here,” he said softly.

  “You keep saying that,” she pointed out with a slight smile.

  “You keep surprising me,” he answered.

  His hand slipped behind her head to draw her closer for a kiss. His lips savored hers until her mouth finally parted in submission. It was as electric as it had always been. His hand grasped a handful of hair as their kiss deepened.

  She moaned in her throat as she shifted under him. It was just like coming home whenever he touched her like this. It was a tenderness she often wondered if she alone brought out of him. Nothing else mattered, nothing else existed but the next kiss… the next touch.

  But as crazy as he had been for her the last few months, he didn’t push it. His fingers traveled a puritan path along her body, along her shoulder, across her back and down her arm until he clasped her fingers in his. She tested his muster mightily when she whispered his name, but he didn’t push it beyond another sweet kiss.

  They had fought a bitter path to get to this place and he wanted to savor the moment. To him, this was truly making love. He was doing what he had never before done to any woman: he was honoring her.

  He wasn’t going to pressure her to make love to him before sending her back to Graham. He knew Andy too well. She resented the push and pull, especially over something as stupid as his ego. Thanks to rehab he finally realized that sex had been his addiction as much as drinking. He needed to be wanted in a way that no one could ever fill the void.

  He burned to have her in his bed from the moment she left him curious and frustrated in that Philadelphia bar. When she denied him again in New York, twice, she grew even more desirable. He had to have her and once he did even that wasn’t enough. He didn’t want anyone else to have her.

  But the sad truth was someone else did have her, at least for the time being. So Vanni decided he would wait until she came to him. It would be her choice in the future. He wouldn’t coerce, he wouldn’t seduce; he wouldn’t take what she wasn’t yet ready to offer.

  He hoped that by doing so the next time they came together they’d never have to part again.

  When her cell phone rang he knew that she had been summoned and had to leave. She didn’t even have to tell him. He kissed her again and told her he’d see her the next day so they could talk about what he should do with his newfound father. Then he released her to go tend her other obligations without guilt.

  She rose from the hammock where he sprawled looking beautiful with fanned out hair and sultry brown eyes. “Why are you being so good?” she wanted to know.

  “I love you,” he said simply, as if that explained it all.

  Andy smiled, blew him a kiss and left for home.

  He pulled out the article and read the copy again. He searched his memory for any hint of Angelo Carnevale but it was futile. His dad split when Vanni was a toddler and his mother hadn’t exactly had a happy scrapbook to fill in the blanks.

  Against his better judgment he rose from the hammock and went back inside his house. He opened up the computer and searched for more content, hoping for a photo or something to help him connect the dots.

  He found the interviews and saw the man’s face who faintly mirrored his own. His hair was cropped short and he wore a dark beard, but the eyes, nose and mouth were identical. He hadn’t aged well, probably due to the alcohol. He didn’t appear to be a man of means either, though he seemed to try and clean up for the cameras.

  How considerate of him, Vanni thought with a snarl.

  He played each video so he could listen to the sad tale of a remorseful father who realized his greatest mistake was leaving his child. He had wanted to spare him, he said. He was cursed with the same alcoholic tendencies as his own father, who never could hold down a job and took out all the pressure that created onto his wife and kids.

  “It’s been almost 30 years. Why wait until now to reach out to your son?” the interviewer asked.

  “Excellent question,” thought Vanni.

  The older man’s shoulders lagged as he sighed deeply. “I didn’t think I had anything to offer him. Here he came from nothing and made this big success of himself. He didn’t get that from me. What he did get was the same monkey on his back, which threatens to ruin his entire life. I couldn’t run from it anymore.”

  The words were like a physical blow. How could anyone sell such irresponsible and thoughtless abandonment as noble?

  Worst of all, despite Vanni’s resentment, they rang true. It sounded like something he would say, which dug up a seed of empathy from a mountain of lifelong hostility. Vanni didn’t know who he hated more for that, himself or the man who suddenly wanted to play dad.

  He slammed the laptop together. His eyes wandered over to the now empty liquor cabinet. He thought about all those bottles sitting in a bag just outside his front door. It was a brief, fleeting thought, but it was there almost instantly the minute he started to feel anything toward his father.

  He pulled out his phone. At first he thought he’d call Andy, but he knew that she was on her way home to Malibu and to Graham. It wasn’t fair, especially after unloading on her earlier like an emotional basket case, to ask her to come back just so he didn’t go suck every last bottle dry.

  He sighed and scrolled through his contacts until his eyes landed on the only other person who could help him.

  She was there within the hour.

  Holly brought him food and even knitted him a throw blanket to welcome him home. Her sunny smile chased the dark shadows from his brain as he let her into his house.

  “Thanks for coming,” he said with complete sincerity.

  “Anytime,” she answered as she made herself at home in the kitchen area. “You know you can always call me, Vanni.”

  He nodded as he strolled over to sit on one of the barstools at the counter. “Andy says you found the article about my dad.”

  She nodded as she sent him a sympathetic glance. “I keep an eye out for anything about the band or you, especially since the court stuff. I was shocked and immediately wanted to verify if he was the real deal.”

  “Thanks for having my back,” he said.


  Again she said with a big smile, “Anytime.”

  She then launched into a full production of preparing his meal, while getting him up to date on everything the band had been doing. They had gotten a lot done in 30 days, laying down tracks and recording background vocals for the new songs. “Leo is a workhorse,” she said finally. “And a slave driver.”

  They laughed. He was still smiling when he asked, “All you’ve really talked about is the band. How are you doing?”

  She shrugged. “Keeping busy. You know me. I do a lot for Gwen and for Andy. I’ve even been spending some time at Graham’s house. I think I’m one of the very few he’s seen in person aside from Andy.”

  His eyebrows rose. “Not even Leo?”

  She shook her head. “I generally am the go between whenever they’re not video conferencing. It’s easier that way. Leo can’t stand Andy since Andy’s not really anyone in the company and Graham… well, I get the feeling that he’d rather no one see him in the state he’s in.”

  Though he didn’t want to ask, he felt compelled to. “Which is?”

  She picked her words carefully. “He’s not the guy who built this company. Not anymore. Leo has been dancing around the idea of finding someone else.”

  Vanni shook his head. Despite it all, Graham had been good for DIB. They had done well under Jasper but it was Graham who had catapulted them into the stratosphere. He owed him a certain loyalty.

  She shrugged. “It’s your band,” she said. “I just don’t want you to bury yourself out of some misguided sense of obligation. I mean, you have to take care of you, right?”

  “And Julian,” he added.

  She paused to face him. “Yeah. And Julian. He’s fought a really long time to make it, just like you. But unlike you he needs this big break and he needs it to be perfect.”

  He had never seen her get so passionate, but then again it was her brother. If she didn’t take care of him, who would?

  “I’m not going to let anything ruin it,” he assured her. “This next CD will be even bigger than the last. You have my personal guarantee.”

  Just like flipping a switch she went back to the Holly he knew best. She gave him a cute smile as she came over to where he sat. She held out her hand. “Pinky swear?”

  He laughed and grasped her pinky with his. “Pinky swear,” he confirmed.

  She held on to his hand for a moment longer. “I’m glad you’re home,” she said softly.

  “You are?” he queried.

  She nodded. “I missed you.”

  “I missed you too,” he admitted, instantly recognizing that he really had missed her and the sweet way she had of always taking care of him.

  She spent the rest of the night doing exactly that. She served his meal, cleaned up the mess and then stayed till the wee hours playing card games so that he could take his mind off of drinking away his problems. They didn’t talk about anything serious. No business, no romance, no drama. He was able to laugh and feel high even without any intoxicants.

  The only other places he had found that were in music and in Andy’s arms.

  When Holly offered to stay the night he found he really wanted her to. She set up on the couch that faced the ocean while he climbed up the stairs to the king sized bed in his loft. When he reached over to turn out the light his eyes fell on the business card that Leo had given him, to fill his bed with professional women that came conveniently without any emotional attachment.

  He tore it to pieces and turned off the light.

  Chapter Twelve

  October 10, 2010. Los Angeles.

  Andy

  The house was darkened when Andy got back to Malibu. She made her way through the quiet living room and kitchen toward the deck, where Graham sat in his wheelchair staring into the ocean. She dropped her purse on the counter and headed outside.

  “I’m home,” she said unnecessarily as she walked over to where he sat. “Where’s Maggie?”

  He didn’t look at her. “I gave her the night off. She went to see a movie.”

  “Are you okay?” Andy immediately wanted to know. He shouldn’t have been left alone and it really surprised her Maggie had left her post. She’d been at his side for months.

  “I’m fine,” was Graham’s stoic response. He finally turned his eyes to her. “We hit a milestone today.”

  “Oh? What was that?”

  He said nothing as he stared deep into her eyes. She watched in amazement as he placed each hand on either handlebar of his chair. She watched as slowly and with great effort he lifted himself up into a standing position.

  Her mouth dropped open. He was not standing fully on his own feet but his lower body was finally starting to support his weight. It was something she knew Maggie had been pushing for weeks once she knew he felt pressure on the bottoms of his feet. She had him try to stand using bars to stabilize himself, but he’d always fallen.

  Now he stood, trembling from the strain, looking at her with a determination that took her breath away. “Graham,” she whispered as she ran towards him just as he flopped back down in the chair. There were tears in her eyes as she threw her arms around his neck. A milestone indeed!

  He didn’t embrace her. In fact he was rigid in her arms. “I guess I don’t have to ask where you’ve been,” he said.

  “Graham,” she started as she pulled away.

  “His first day back and you go running. Nothing has changed, has it?”

  She knelt in front of the chair and stared up at him. “He needed me,” she said simply.

  He nodded. He wanted to scream that he needed her too but he didn’t say a word. The fact was he didn’t want to need her anymore. He wanted to go back to being her hero – the one who would move mountains to make her happy.

  His standing on his own two legs, however briefly, would someday give him the ability to come back into her life and fight for her heart for real.

  Until then he would hold his tongue. He hated when she looked at him like he was a child who needed her care.

  He was a man who wanted her love. And one day, one day very soon, he would show her that.

  He spun the chair away and rolled back into the house towards his room. He wanted to be alone with his fantasies of when she’d come to him, recognizing him for the best man in her life, and making her final choice at last.

  Andy let him go without a fuss. Instead she sprawled out on the chaise lounge chair on the deck. As she listened to waves crash against the shore she was reminded of her time that afternoon with Vanni, when he was as vulnerable and open to her as he had ever been.

  It gave her hope that he was on the path to a true recovery. Not just the alcoholism but also the emotional recovery she was beginning to suspect he had never made since his father left. There was something deeply wounded in him and God help her she wanted to be the one to heal him.

  She knew it was unfair to everyone to have these treacherous thoughts but her heart would not be denied.

  So even though she knew she should run to Graham’s room and try to make amends for not being there today when he needed her, she simply let things be.

  Maggie found her on the patio when she finally returned home from the movies. She brought a bucket of popcorn home to share with everyone, so both women sat on the deck and snacked as they chatted.

  “Big day today, huh?”

  Maggie nodded with a smile. They had worked really hard for this goal and to see it happen reaffirmed her belief that he could make a full recovery. She wouldn’t stop until he did; she had already made that promise to herself.

  Graham was going to walk again or she was going to be his nurse for the rest of his life. She wouldn’t let him down, it just wasn’t an option.

  “We still have a lot of work to do,” Maggie warned. “But it was a huge step in the right direction. In a manner of speaking,” she added with a grin.

  Andy smiled back. She found herself growing ever fonder of the redhead who sat across from her. She was tough as nails bu
t she had a quick wit that kept the journey entertaining at least. When she and Graham felt frustrated, it was always Maggie who made them laugh or made them believe. She was equal parts nurse, counselor and cheerleader. “I have no doubt you can make it happen,” Andy told her.

  Maggie just shook her head. “Graham’s the one who’s making it happen. He’s doing the hard work day after day.” She said it with a due amount of awe. His determination and tenacity had surpassed even her own. She glanced over at the younger woman. “He’s doing it for you, you know.”

  It was Andy’s turn to shake her head. She didn’t want that responsibility. “He’s doing it because that’s the kind of man he is. He’d be working hard whether I was here or not.”

  Maggie chuckled. “You keep telling yourself that.” Andy didn’t respond so she broached a conversation that was long overdue. “So what’s your long-term goal here, Andy?”

  She sighed and tipped her head back against the chaise. “I don’t know,” she confessed honestly. “I really haven’t had the luxury of thinking ahead.”

  “Do you love him?”

  “Of course,” Andy answered automatically. “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”

  “Then be his light at the end of the tunnel,” Maggie said softly. “He deserves nothing less,” she added firmly. It was her own kind of warning that she didn’t want Andy playing with his heart.

  It was such an impossible situation Andy didn’t know how she’d be able to cope with any of it. Every time she closed her eyes she saw Vanni’s face and that lost little boy locked behind his soulful eyes. A part of her would always love him in a way she could never love anyone else. It made no sense given all they’d been through. She wasn’t that 24-year-old he met in Philadelphia all those years ago. She’d grown up, or at least thought she had. That was why she was there in Malibu taking care of Graham rather than running to Vanni every time he crooked his little finger.